This is a work of satire and does not intend to hurt anyone’s feelings or slander any form of sport.

You must have seen cheerleaders dancing at every boundary or fall of wicket just outside boundary grills of a cricket match. While cricket as a sport has valiantly and unsuccessfully tried to become a part of the holy grail of sport – the Olympics – a form of dance has been included to it and will make its debut in 2024 Paris Games – Break Dance.

Break dancing will be called ‘Breaking’ at the event, which it was called in the 1970s in the United States by hip-hop artists. It has also been anointed that name because it is breaking hopes and chances of ‘actual’ sports such as kabaddi, squash and several others to become a part of the sporting event.

Hearing the news, Dabbu uncle has written a letter to the Olympics, asking them to hand over the first medal to him undisputedly, on the pretext of leaving the likes of Issei and others far behind in making the genre globally hit. Some researchers have also suggested that it is only after the dance of Dabbu uncle that the IOC seriously considered including Break Dance as an Olympic sport.

The World Kabaddi Federation is considering teaching all U-20 Kabaddi players a move or two of Break Dance that they will have to perform every time they get a point after a raid or tackle, furthering impressing upon the organizers of the Olympics. After reading reports on these, Anup Kumar is also considering coming out of retirement.

The International Olympic Committee’s pursuit of urban events to lure a younger audience saw break dance added to the roster. Memers and Instagram influencers are also gearing up for Olympics 2028, and YouTubers that have subscribers more than the Olympic channel on YT are planning to sue the global organizing body.

Golu from Gorakhpur had met Chintu from Dharavi a long time back in a train. On a video call earlier this week, both of them have decided to take serious steps to take their ‘gilli-danda’ skills global. Elsewhere, Rajasthani baujis have taken grave offence to IOC’s move, and are demanding the Supreme Court of India to direct the Modi government to request the IOC to add shadow puppets and mimes to the roster as well.

Remo D’Souza has written a letter of recommendation for Anu Malik and Neha Kakkar to be the judges for qualification rounds. The IOC has strictly announced a single judge for the grand finale – Om Prakash Mishra, of the ‘Bol Na Aunty Aaun Kya’ fame. His ‘Sot’ step is set to be added to the Olympic Hall of Fame – feat Break Dance.

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Back dancers in India that have faced difficult times during the pandemic are now requesting the Government of India for payment under the TOPS scheme to prepare for the 2024 Olympics. Dharmesh Yelande is also talking to the top sporting bodies to become the coach of the group, training of which will start soon. The dancers are set to give an audition at Ranbir Kapoor-Alia Bhatt’s wedding, and Mukesh Ambani will pick a group of five dancers that will represent the country.

India wishes its contingent best of luck for the 2024 ‘Breaking’. It is a real chance for India to win a gold medal in the ‘non-competitive’ genre at the largest stage, which is gradually becoming a stage for ridicule.